


I can't leave any of you alone for two seconds

by Sprytemark



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon-Typical Death, Gen, Spoilers for The Stolen Century, kinda fun kinda dorky, loud shrugging, this is literally just a bunch of tiny drabbles about the different realities they visit, y'know mentions of people who are indeed dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 13:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11990961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sprytemark/pseuds/Sprytemark
Summary: After a number of cycles, death becomes sort of a weird concept. Sometimes it's devastating. Sometimes it's more of a joke.Five little drabbles about what happens on and off a reality-travelling starship.





	I can't leave any of you alone for two seconds

1.  
The twins rocket into the control room of the Starblaster and immediately begin pressing useful-looking buttons.

“This chair is miniscule --”

“Cap’nport’s the organized type, there should be labels --”

“Is there an owner’s manual?”

A screech echoes down the side of the ship’s shield, rocking it violently to the side.

“Screw that, we don’t have time to read a book --”

“Well, we can’t _levitate_ this thing into jiggle-space --”

“He flips switches on the ceiling. What kind of switches am I supposed to be flipping?”

“I’m guessing, I’m gues- educated guessing, b’fore --”

“Not that button, ‘Ko, that’ll break everything --”

“If we had Dav here we might have a better chance at surviving --”

“Dav’s dead, man, and so are we if we don’t --”

“I _know,_ Lup, I _saw_ \--”

The Starblaster shudders again, and Taako stumbles, but catches himself on the tiny chair.

“Should’ve paid attention when we were introduced to the control panel --”

“There’s supposed to be an ignition key and a button, where is it?”

“Is it so hard to put it right in the middle --”

“GOT it!”

Taako slams his hand down into a glowing green button, lifting the Starblaster stickily off the ground and causing the bond engine to start spinning -- slowly, at first, and then faster and faster until another green light flips on in the cabin and Lup shoves the accelerator forward, snapping the forgotten anchor cord.

The Starblaster shoots into the sky in an arrow-straight line, haphazardly skidding past pulsating tendrils of darkness, crashing through a hole in the flashing black opal Hunger before barely escaping the planar system entirely.

\---

White threads wind together in familiar patterns, stitching seven members of the IPRE back together on the deck of their ship.

Two of them immediately run for the captain.

“Guys, never leave just the two of us alive, piloting a ship is the _literal worst,_ ” Taako cries, dramatically throwing his arms open.

“Never die again, my man.”

Davenport starts at the sudden contact, but seems to mull something over (while letting the twins talk) before addressing them.

“You two remembered how to pilot my ship, right?”

“Oh, of course, of course we did. Yeah,” Lup backtracks.

They look at each other for a long second.

“We may want a refresher course, though. Just to make sure nothing changed.”

 

2.  
_Transcriber’s note: I’m recording this conversation for posterity, in case the original script of this day (Cycle 37, 06/07/ p.d. 3496, s.d. 02/04) is altered somehow. I wouldn’t put it past either Magnus or Lup to do so. The conversation was full of interruptions, so I apologize for any confusion._

MB: “Lucretia, no --”

“Nope.”

L: “Lucy, c’mon, just hand over the --”

“Absolutely not.”

M: “Lucyyyy, what’s wrong with a little historical inaccuracy?”

L: “Gimme the --”

“This journal is always completely accurate.”

M: “Nooooooo…”

L: “No, it’s not, not if you don’t hear us out --”

“Are you two trying to tell me you didn’t,” Lucretia rounds on her friends.

L: “‘Creesh --”

“Actually _kill_ each other”

M: “Lucretia,”

“Because you fired off a spell scroll in a closed room,”

M: “That one was Lup’s fault.”

L: “Hey, you were the one wh-- hey wait we’re trying to convince her not to write that in the records, Mags!”

“Without testing it anywhere first or asking what it was, effectively shooting hundreds of magical shards into yourselves and dying on the _least_ dangerous planet we have so far visited?”

L: “Uh. No.”

M: “Yes?”

L: “No.”

L: “C’mon, it makes us sound stupid, that’s not really what happened, not the whole story…”

“And what is the whole story?”

M: “Uh. We --”

“Uh huh.”

M: “I didn’t even finish!”

“It’s going in the records.”

L: “Lucy!”

_TN: at this point, Lup grabs Magnus and runs off somewhere. They don’t think I can still hear them, but I can. They’re planning to steal my journal. Thieves. I’m going to go put a seventh-level ward on it._

 

3.  
The strings of light weave everyone back together on the deck of the Starblaster. Davenport blinks, and then turns slowly towards the starboard railing.

“Lup.”

“Yyyyyes Cap’n?”

“Was it absolutely necessary to go out with a literal bang and blow a hole in the side of my ship?”

Lup winces, but smiles on the tail end. “Sorry ‘bout that, didn’t mean to. But… yes Cap’n. Yes it was.”

 

4.  
Magnus is used to being the only capable pair of fighting hands onboard a mission.

Magnus is _not_ used to being the only one capable of fighting, but the only one incapable of helping his friends.

It’s infuriating.

So he paces, abovedeck. He can wait, and he can hope, and that’s not enough, but he can’t do anything else about it, his only hope is --

Merle breaches the top of the stairs, tiredly. Magnus practically runs over to the cleric, stopping just short of touching him. He was warned not to do that this time, not unless they wanted the possibility of their mission ending for good.

“Is everyone okay?”

“Y’want the truth, or y’want your feelings spared?”

“Truth.”

“I have no idea. Whatever toxin lives on this planet is completely foreign to me.”

Magnus sighs and bites his lip, his stomach sinking at words that were neither what he was afraid of nor what he was hoping for.

“How are they looking, though?” he asks.

“They’re all sleepin’ like babies. Well, twins aren’t, ‘s what I’m up here for. Magical sleep won’t work, regular sleep just isn’t a thing for elves, I’m up here to whip up an artificial version of the stuff. Hope we didn’t run out of poppy…” Merle muses, crossing the room to open a sleek silver cabinet.

Magnus watches Merle plop a number of ingredients into a sterile pot. Can he use that to help? He doesn’t know anything about medicine!

Well, he steels himself resolutely, that’s gonna have to change.

“Merle. While you’re here, tell me what you’re doing.”

Merle raises an eyebrow, but edges to the side to show Magnus the plants he’s working on. He’s got a book open in front of him, a green one, covered in notes and annotations.

“Smart,” he says, demonstrating which part of a valerian to cut open. “Y’might just be the one doin’ this stuff in a few days. You know how to fly the ship, right?”

“Y-yeah. Don’t say that.”

“Pshhh, you’ll be fine, Maggie. This place isn’t so bad if you don’t go outside.”

“I know, but --”

“And you’ll get us back in a few months.”

“I _know,_ but --”

“Magnus.”

He turns.

“I don’t think Dav’s gonna last a day, much less a few months. And honestly, kid, the other four -- or five -- of us ain’t far behind.”

It’s been more than 50 cycles, Magnus knows how this whole thing works by now. Somehow, that doesn’t prevent him from tearing up at the prospect.

“Ah, don’t worry, kid. I’ll stick around as long as I can.”

“I -- “ Magnus’ voice breaks, and he swallows it. “I want to learn how to do this stuff. This cleric potion stuff. So maybe, if this happens again, or ever, it’ll work, and I can help.”

Merle chuckles slightly and mouths _cleric potion stuff_ to himself. Nevertheless, he closes the book, and takes two cups of the finished tea in his hands.

“Sure thing, buddy. Crash course in cleric-ism. I’ll teach ya.”

And he does, for the next few weeks. 

And then Magnus practices on his own.

 

5.  
The crew pokes at their dinner, which is weirdly-shaped and does absolutely nothing for their appetites. It’s almost unanimously agreed that they should’ve stayed on the ship for the night, but they had diplomatic business to attend to.

Lup huffs. “T, this so-called gourmet room service is nasty. You’re going to have to kill me.”

Taako and Magnus snort in unison, Magnus covering his mouth to avoid spraying everyone. Merle splutters into his glass, and the table shakes slightly as a number of hands hit it at once.

Barry’s chair strikes an annoyed note as it’s pushed out from the table.

“That was one time!” Barry complains.

“Aw, c’mon, it’s hilarious,” Lup says through the cheesiest grin at the table.

“No it’s not! I was terrified. Look, it’s -- aw, Lucy, you too?”

Lucretia coughs and tries to push the corners of her mouth back down, to no avail.

“Ah, lighten up, buddy. We ain’t laughin’ at ya,” Merle says.

“Yes we are,” Taako whispers, nudging him.

“Okay, yeah we kind of are.”

Barry groans. “Look, it’s not funny when you repeat the joke 20 times.”

“Alright, alright. Sorry babe. It’ll stop being funny eventually.”

Dinner winds down in relative silence after Barry puts his chair back.

Minutes later, from across the room, Davenport sighs.

“Lucretia. I can’t reach the cupboards in this hotel. You’re going to have to kill me.”

_“SNNRRRKKK--”_

The crew howls with laughter, minus one Barry (whose mouth is agape, staring at the captain) and one Davenport (who grins to himself, satisfied).

**Author's Note:**

> The last one is definitely a reference to that one tumblr post.
> 
> Sorry if all this was a little confusing to read, mostly because I didn't specify who was talking or what was happening a lot? They're little snapshots, I leave it up to you.
> 
> I've been knee-deep in this podcast for almost a year now and I've never written anything for it, but here's a bunch of dorky bits that may not even be in character? They're just there. :>


End file.
